Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Deja Vu? - Adding Another Child

I have been rather reminiscent lately because Baby Boo is the age that Little Dude was when we found out we were pregnant again. It is a little bittersweet because I'm not pregnant right now, nor am I trying to be. This is how it all went down seventeen months ago. . . to the best of my recollection and in probably nauseating detail. Don't worry, it won't be TMI, just long winded:

My 1st pregnancy and Little Dude's 1st year tend to be a big blur in my mind because there was so much going on in my life. The month of December 2009, however, I remember so well. Hubby and I had decided to go ahead and try for another baby that month. I had been on birth control prior to that, so I figured it may take a few of months of trying. I had told myself that I shouldn't get my hopes up yet. . . besides, Little Dude was only 8 months old.
I (very roughly) guessed the time that I ovulated and figured I could test starting on the 15th. I went to the dollar store and picked up around 20 pee sticks. Once the 15th hit I started testing every morning. . . they were all big fat negatives! I wasn't discouraged at first but as the week came to a close I figured the month was a wash. As much as I had told myself not to expect anything that month, I was still rather disappointed. I am not a patient person and I had a wicked case of baby fever. By the 22nd I decided to give it a break and I didn't test that morning or the next day. The 24th was Christmas Eve so I tested that morning in hopes of having an early Christmas present. .  . negative!

I don't know how to describe the feeling I had; I felt my heart telling me that I had another baby coming, but the logical part of my brain was telling me to let it go and stop being so emotional. I tested again on the 25th and got nada. I'm glad that I was so involved having fun with Little Dude's 1st Christmas, otherwise I would have been mopey all day. I decided to give up the testing for that cycle.
Hubby, me, my brother, and Little Dude on Christmas Eve at my family's Christmas celebration

Happy family of 3 on Christmas morning!

My adorable 8 month old little monkey on Christmas.

The next couple of days were weekend days and they came and went quickly. We were busy wrapped up in the Christmas festivities with family, extended family and friends. We had a wonderful long weekend, and I had done a pretty good job of putting pregnancy thoughts out of my mind. By the time Monday the 28th rolled around, hubby was back at work and Little Dude and I were having a lazy Monday at home.

Sometime around noon I was laying on the couch as Little Dude cruised around when my calf muscle started twitching. Annoyed, I rubbed it a little hoping the feeling would go away. A few minutes later I felt the twitch again. I remember wondering why was I so annoyed by such a little twitch? It certainly wasn't painful. I realized then that the feeling reminded me of the terrible leg cramps that I would get when I was pregnant the 1st time around, only a much milder version of them. A split second later I thought "Hey, why am I having a pregnancy symptom?"

I rushed to the bathroom and pulled out a pregnancy test. Since I still thought that this cycle had been a bust, I didn't get my hopes up at all. I set the test down on the bathroom sink to process as I went back out to the living room to watch my baby. I almost forgot that I had tested, but 10 minutes later I walked back into the bathroom to check. I looked at the strip and sure enough there was a faint little pink line next to the bold control line. I think my stomach did a back flip at that second. I looked at it closer and sure enough, the line was there; no mistaking it for an evaporation line. I quickly pulled out a 2nd test and managed to pee on that one. This time, I didn't take my eyes off of it as the urine line soaked through the test strip. Once again, I got a faint pink second line. This time I'm pretty sure I did a happy dance in the bathroom with Little Dude. . . I remember him laughing at me. Finally, for good measure I found a digital test that I had also purchased and used that. To my delight, the word "YES" popped up pretty quickly.
I was so excited about the test, but hubby was at work. I wanted so badly to call him and tell him, but I knew it would be better if I waited. So begrudgingly I waited.

I had hoped to do something cute to reveal this secret to him, but I was too excited to think clearly. A month or two earlier, knowing that we were going to try to conceive soon, I had purchased a t-shirt for Little Dude saying he was going to be a big brother. We were going to have him wear it when we told our parents about a second pregnancy. A minute or 2 before hubby got home, I remembered the shirt and I quickly threw it on him. When he walked in the door, I said hi, kissed him, and promptly handed him Little Dude. Hubby gave Little Dude a hello hug and kiss, and started asking him how his day was. I asked hubby if he realized what shirt Little Dude was wearing. He looked at it, looked at me, and asked "is he wearing it for a reason?" I said yes and the happy tears started flowing (from me). Hubby smiled and gave me a hug. We were going to be a family of 4 soon!

Little Dude's shirt was a huge hit with our families by the way. This is what it looked like:
"I have a secret"   .  .  .  "I'm going to be a Big Brother"
There you have the whole story.

Baby Boo is the same age today as Little Dude was in the t-shirt photos above. . . down to the day. I am glad I am not pregnant right now, but at the same time, I know my family isn't complete yet so part of me wishes I was. I'm not sure when the next baby will come, I feel so conflicted on the subject and flip flop on a regular basis on my preferred timing. I would appreciate having the summer without being pregnant. We tend to be really active as a family during the summer so I'm not sure I'm ready to slow down again yet. The first trimester always manages to kill all of my energy. Also, I am making an effort to go to the gym regularly and am still working towards my goal before getting pregnant again. Since I am having my kids so close together, I want to give my body, especially my abs, a chance to recoup in between. I am pretty close to where I want to be, but I have a ways to go still.

On the other hand, the hormones are making me a little baby crazy again. This feeling is all too familiar from when Little Dude was between 6 and 8 months. Maybe it is because after 6 months babies tend to transition away from being helpless little infants and are well on their way to toddlerhood. I admit to loving the older baby/toddler phase way more than newborn, but for some reason it triggers my desire for another. I also want to get my childbearing years out of the way sooner rather than later. That sounds a little pessimistic I suppose. I do absolutely love being pregnant (most of the time), and having a newborn. However, I want to concentrate those years because they limit what we can do as a family; I'm talking long road trips, camping, and going on vacation.

While I firmly believe in never say never, hubby and I are pretty sure three kids is the right number for us so that means our family is one pregnancy away from being complete.

Only time will tell when another baby will happen. I know it isn't all up to us either. We have been incredibly fortunate in that we have such an easy time conceiving and haven't suffered any losses. My heart goes out to those that struggle with these issues; they are truly braver than I think I could ever be. Another consideration is that I am still breastfeeding Baby Boo which limits my fertility.

For now I think I need to climb out of this hormonal funk of a post and focus on today and the amazing blessings I currently have.

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